Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
