I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
