Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
