Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
