God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do vagina's smell?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
