how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
