bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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