I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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