Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
