so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
