idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
