dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize