I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
