I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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