Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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