how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
