Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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