then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
