If i come over, it means nothing
My liver just broke up with me...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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