so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
