Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
