i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
