So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
