Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
