Who wears a wallet chain?!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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