he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
