38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All the doctor said was why
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
