Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
