oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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