After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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