Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
