either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
