She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
