I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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