Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
