its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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