It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
