If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
