i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
