youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
