Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
