I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
