Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
