I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
