My Higher Power is John Stamos
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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