girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
