I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
