She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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