He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
