Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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