i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
