Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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