I'm drive I can fine osifer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's always time for handjobs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
