Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
