I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
