1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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