What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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