That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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