he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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