Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
