Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
