I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
