I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
