i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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