Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
