either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
