They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
