I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
