You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
