Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did I show you my penis last night?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
