I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
