Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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