Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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