Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize