The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
